Thursday, August 28, 2014


Hello everyone!
Thank you so much for reading my blog, even though I was very sporadic and didn't do much. I still appreciate your comments and views!

Now that I have finally left my teenage years behind me, I'm starting a new blog and writing about my new thoughts and experiences.
Feel free to come and start reading it!

Thank you!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I was Frozen....

Never alone.

Sometimes in life, we feel alone. There are times when the world seems dark and unforgiving. Heartache and grief vacuum happiness away and drain your ability to go on.
Darkness closes in. Chains seem to bind you. Breath is hard to grasp.
How do you go on? How do you survive?

Hope. Love. Peace.

It is so easy to get caught up in the idea that you are alone. Sometimes, it feels easy to let yourself hide away from the life and pain.

I couldn't help but see similarities in my life and the life of Elsa, the queen in Disney's Frozen. After seeing this movie, I decided maybe I was ready to tell my story. I have been gone from my blog for quite some time now, I know. I've been through a bit, and its not been easy...but this movie was an almost perfect picture of my past few years and helped me decide that maybe I'm ready.

Hope to the weary, strength to the weak are You, my God.

Elsa felt alone. No one understood her and she shut them out. When the pain came and relived itself, she ran away. She hid from the troubles and the world. Elsa thought this solved her problem. "Let it go, turn away and slam the door," she sings. Wasn't this easy?
Like Elsa, there have been points in my life that I felt alone. It seemed so easy to shut myself up inside and pretend I didn't exist to the world. Pain hit me hard and fast. Alone, I thought I would survive. By shutting the world out, I thought my problem would be solved.

But it wasn't.

My problems grew and the pain got stronger, like Elsa's storm. All hope for me seemed lost. Like many others, I hit a low point in my life. All Elsa ever had hope in seemed lost and gone forever. She fell on her knees to let whatever happen to her. The loneliness I felt inside consumed me and I fell to my knees. God felt so far away...

I was frozen in fear and helplessness.

Depression. No one likes to think they are depressed, but this is where I was. I was in a deep hole. I felt far away from my family, my boyfriend, and God. Yes, I put on a good show, but I ached inside. These people loved me, and I knew this. But why? Why did they love me? How could I deserve this love and care they showed to me?

I didn't deserve it...I struggled.

I suffered from panic attacks, nightmares, and other symptoms of depression. I had never felt so alone. Elsa's storm showed her turmoil inside, and my head and attitudes showed mine. I was hurt, but didn't want anyone to know. Unlike Elsa showing her struggle, I hid mine. This was the worst thing I could have done. Then, on a Bible retreat, I saw and remembered the Light and why God loved me.

A Light shining in the darkness.

Anna came to her sister's rescue. She gave up her life for Elsa, a sister she wasn't sure loved her back. Elsa shut her out but Anna loved her anyway. It was then Elsa saw a sacrificial love. A love so strong, it gave her purpose. She knew she didn't deserve her sister's love, but Anna gave it freely away. I went on a college retreat with my Bible group. They talked about trusting God through different times. There was one testimony that hit right to home. Afterwards, I cried and prayed. I prayed and knew. I might not deserve this love that God was showing to me, but He loved me anyway. I was reminded that night of the love I knew God had for me. He loved me despite of me. THAT is the gospel. As sinners, we give God no reason to love us, but He loves us anyway and sent Jesus to us.

I am not alone.

Like Elsa being reminded what love was and realizing that being alone wasn't the way to go, I realized and remembered why I was never alone. With God watching me and loving me, my family walking beside me, a church-family and caring boyfriend standing behind me, there is nothing I can't do. I AM NOT ALONE. I never have to feel alone. I am LOVED.

God, You are with me. You always have been and always will be. I never have to feel alone or be afraid. You are the Light that shone in the darkness of my fear. You hold me when I am weary and give me a love I don't deserve.

There are days I still struggle, but it doesn't consume me any more. I still have panic attacks, but trying to work though them. I have begun to go through the things that made me feel alone and it is helping. It hurts, but with God I will survive this.

I am telling my story, hoping that maybe there is someone out there that is going through this and reading it. I hope it is a help to you. I am praying for you, my reader, and my last words to you are this:

Remember WHO is there. Remember that love from Him you once knew or maybe find it for the first time. Remember that you are never alone since God is there.

You are LOVED.

If you have a question or would like me to specifically pray for you, leave me a comment or send me a message.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Your Love

God, Your love is abounding.
         Your love is everlasting.
         Your love is forgiving.
         Your love, is worth worshiping.

I turn to You, my God.
Sometimes the way seems dark.
I see Your light, Your love.
And I know everything is going to be alright!

Because Your love is abounding.
              Your love is everlasting.
              Your love is forgiving.
              Your love, is worth worshiping.

People needing, people hurting,
We need to show Your love.
We need to carry that love, Your love into the dark.
We need to show them...

That Your love is abounding.
         Your love is everlasting.
         Your love is forgiving.
         Your love, is worth worshiping.

Friday, March 8, 2013

My Challenge

So many lost and dying....
What are we doing about it?
If we really know the love of Christ, why don't we show it?
Shouldn't it be overflowing out of us?

I struggle with this too...I don't always seek out opportunities to share God's love...
This is something we always need to be aware of.
It doesn't take much, a kind word or action will do most of the time.

If its so easy, why do we struggle with sharing it?

Sharing God's love shouldn't be an afterthought. It should always be at the forefront of our minds.

Starting today, I'm going to try to be more aware of this. I'm going to strive to be a shining light for God on campus today and every day. I want to show the love of Christ to my friends who don't believe in Him. This is my mission. To love God, love each other, and love our world.

What about you? I'm challenging you, my reader, to do the same.

" 18 And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me.
19 Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."
Matthew 28:18-20


Monday, December 3, 2012

The Story of God

A great video by one of my church's worship leaders, Matt Papa.

Awesomeness. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


Thursday, October 4, 2012

Lego Faces

Sometimes we can get so confused.

Everyone thinks you should keep your troubles or struggles to yourself.

We hide our sin or pain from the people around us. This makes us fake. I like to think of it as Legos. We put on our little plastic Lego faces pretending like everything is okay. We have different faces for every occasion.

We don't talk to our friends about the thing we are struggling with this week. Our friendships are just skin deep. You don't tell people your problems, and they don't tell you theirs.

This isn't a picture of the Church.

I read and hear people say that they leave their 'baggage' at the doors of church.


Don't do that. You do that and you lie to yourself. You lie to everyone else around you. If you leave your troubles at the doors, how are people supposed to help you? You leave it at the door and just pretend everything is okay? Why? I can tell you why...people in some churches don't have good relationships with each other. They don't hold each other accountable. When you don't hold each other accountable, it can get bad really fast...a recent turn of events in the IFB movement has proved that.

The people in the church are supposed to build relationships, and disciple each other in their walk with Christ. They aren't supposed to hide stuff from each other and put up a fake front, changing their Lego heads. We are supposed to help each other. This is why here we do small groups. Small groups are a close-knit group of friends that worship Christ together and disciple each other. We hold each other accountable. That, is very important for everyone. If you are 'higher' in the church, it doesn't mean you are exempt from it. You need help and someone to hold you accountable too.

We need to help each other as we walk through life...not just 'smile and nod' when troubles or struggles come our way. If we talk to each other, grow together and grow closer to God, we will be able to help others better than if we put up the fake front.

So, do me a favor, don't leave your baggage at the door. Use Legos to play with your kids or siblings, not your life. Create deep relationships with Christian friends and have accountability partners.


Saturday, September 29, 2012

The Man

There's a Man sitting off to the side,
Watching you as you walk by,
Wondering what happened to the thing that mattered the most.

He watches you as you go to the parties,
Watching you as you get high,
Wondering why you can't see these things won't satisfy.

The Man watches you as you walk off with that other guy,
Wishing that you would see,
No one else will fill that void inside of you.

He stands and walks over to you,
You're sitting there on the curb,
Crying and worried about what comes next.

You look up into the Face,
The Face that's been there all the time.
The Face, even if you didn't wish it, was with you all the way.

The Man reaches down to you,
Telling you He is there,
And always will be.

I will fill that void that rips at your heart,
I will satisfy the hunger that eats at your soul,
I will show you what it means to be loved.

Looking at your face,
His arms wrapped around you,
The Man shows you the peace you've always craved.
Shows you that trusting in Him, you will never have to worry again.

Trust that Man, that loving Man,
That gave His life for you.
The Man that loves you...